The Adventures of Bug and Boo

Making Room for Baby #2

Rebecca O'LoughlinComment

I have been soaking up my time with Bug in the last month, knowing that in a few short weeks we will be expanding from a family of 3 to a family of 4, and I fear I won't have quite as much time to devote to her anymore. All day long I wonder how I will manage it all, and if she will feel jealous, lonely, upset, neglected...that has been weighing on me. She has such a sweet temperament (most of the time!), and is sensitive just like her mama. She and I spend so much time together, just the two of us - especially during the workweek as M is either away or working long hours elsewhere in the house...I wish I knew how to prepare for the changes that are coming. Prepare her AND prepare me! And I wish there were a way to make her understand that I won't love her any less, just because I won't be able to hold her every time she wants. 

Worryingly, in the last month, she seems to have regressed into this separation anxiety phase of needing me to hold her constantly. She doesn't want Daddy to put her down for bed; she only wants Mommy. She doesn't want to fall asleep unless she's right on top of Mommy - if she wakes up early or in the middle of the night she won't go back to sleep unless she's tucked her whole body up against mine. During the day she follows me around saying, "Mommy holding!" with her arms up and starts crying if I don't lift her into my arms immediately. {This used to be a frequent problem around 430/5pm when I was making dinner - exactly when you don't need it! - although it's improved if I manage to get food into her tummy by that point. A classic case of hangry, this child.} When she gets like that, if M tries to pick her up instead, often she will say emphatically, "NO, Daddy! MOMMY holding!" and try to squirm out of his grasp. It's both completely endearing - in that I love feeling needed again, because we certainly went through phases where she only wanted Daddy or her Nana - and also frustrating, because I don't know how I will hold two children at once. And how do you decide which one to hold when they're both crying and wanting your attention? 

Two under two...it just sounds difficult. I think sometimes that a longer gap between kids would have been easier, but God makes His own plan, eh? And I know that I should put my trust in Him to guide each and every one of us through this big transition ahead, and I am certainly trying to do so, but I can't help but be anxious in myself.

I love this little girl so, so much. She has become this live embodiment of my love, dragging this invisible string between her heart and mine around as she runs here and there on her tiny little legs. Logically I KNOW I won't love her any less...but I can't grow a second heart. What happens when this little squirmy microbug pops out? 

I wish I had the answers now, so I could breathe easier. 

I wish I could give Bug all the understanding she needs of what is going to come with this baby's arrival. 

And I wish I could give all of this over to God more fully than I clearly am at the moment. 

Say a little prayer for us over here when you think of it in the next few weeks, please. 

Linking with Anne for Wednesday Wishes

Love the Here and Now