I have a confession to make.
I plunked my daughter down in front of the telly today...I hate doing that, and for more than 15 minutes (like when I really need to empty the dishwasher or hang laundry and don't want tiny hands 'helping' me - which of course in no way actually help!) but today she had a solid hour of TV time. Maybe more, I lost track. And all so I could have a bit of 'me' time. Go ahead, judge away - I don't blame you!
I am just so shattered this week. Now a friend recently had a second baby and is back in the throes of repeated nighttime wake-ups/feeds, and by no means am I comparing this tiredness to that exhaustion. But anyone who has successfully made it through those days in one piece and onto the amazing wonder that is your child, finally sleeping through the night...and then is thrown back what feels like a few good months into waking once or twice each night, is going to know exactly how I feel. And when you have a new baby you crash at 8pm because you know you're going to need those first few hours before the initial wake-up. When you're used to sleeping through the night again, even after a few nights of wake-up calls that you naively assume are finished, like me you may still crawl into bed at midnight like your pre-baby carefree days. And, like me, you will regret this foolhardy decision as soon as those first cries are heard...
Today I regretted my midnight bedtime bigtime. Because at 3:00 this morning I tried for nearly an hour and a half to rock, swing, bounce, sing, cajole, and plain old convince my little girl to please, pretty please, oh would you come on and justgobacktosleepwillyou!? I finally got back to sleep at nearly 5am - a lovely feeling to go back to bed and see the light shining through the window already!
All I know is, by this afternoon I needed a little bit of interaction-free time. My poor brain needed a chance to shut down and reboot, and I did what anybody in their right mind (or so I tell myself) would do - I switched on the CBeebies channel and let Mr Tumble and Raa Raa the Noisy Lion babysit my child. No supermom awards handed out over here today. But if I didn't give myself the mini break I would have been a far less engaged mum the rest of the day, and I think it was worth it to be able to actually enjoy playing with my bug this afternoon.
As for what is causing this miserable sleep week, I am going to chalk it up to teething. Because, well, that's all we have to fall back on when we haven't the foggiest why a little one is behaving a certain way.
OK people, I am off to (hopefully) get a few hours in before the first cries start. Wish me luck!